Thursday, July 28, 2005

ARE U AN ASIAN ...............!!! ????

This is a must read, already a few people come to mind who fit the bill, including self!

You know you are Asian when.........

* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent. (Yeah, what happened? You swear you will never do it to your kids...lets wait & see!)

* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. (& ask your friends why they have'nt done it so far...)

* You make tea in a saucepan. ( when questioned, you say what else is there?)

* You never buy garbage bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it. ( Recycle? Privately you know you are saving dollars!)

* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. (and then stow it high near the ceiling...)

* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. (some with the foot pedal yet)

* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. (each waiting for the other to start)

* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". (or in rare
candor, grandpa!)

* You hide everything from your parents. ( Hey parents, did you tell YOUR parents whassup?)

* Your mother does everything for you if you are male. (thus setting up the future when she can complain that your wife is lazy and why she is needed more today than ever...)

* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. (I must train you for taking care of your future family or mother in law will move in...see above)

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city. (and all expect to be put up in your home every time they visit)

* Everyone is a family friend. ( I can get it wholesale, or at least get
you to accept expired coupons?)

* Everyone always called you for help on homework. (except the nice looking girls with big tits, if they call they are in a hurry to hang up)

* You study law, medicine or engineering at university. (what else will my children be?)

* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.( thus setting up a life long litany of if only you had done what -------(fill in name)----uncle's son had done)

* You know no one who has studied music. (but know all Hindi pop songs by heart)

* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.(how else could you escape?)

* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. ( hey we are not stupid! We know a "low rent district" when we see one!)

* Your best friend got married at the age of 18. (your mother never tires of reminding you of that)

* You like the meat well done. (crisp, is there any other way?)

* You eat onions with everything. (preferably raw)

* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup. ( any other way? actually your American friends have started using Tabasco on their eggs)

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill. (thus confounding your American friends)

* You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them (just staying "with it, hip" attitudes, even though you know all others are also lying)

* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius. ( hey, otherwise every __________bloody uncle or aunt calls your parents to report such shameful behavior)

* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light".(counter it
with the American's "bring this over there...or can I borrow you 100 dollars?)

* You secure your baggage with a rope.(because duct tape is too expensive)

* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up. (with garlands no less)

* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight. (and then transfer it to your carry on)

* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family. (wondering why your parents moved away in the first place)

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school. (and your best Asian friend will not listen to your story because HIS dad told him a hundred times already)

* Your Dad drives a Nissan. (the only paid subscription he has is Consumer's Report)

* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes. (how else can he advertise that you have arrived)

* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go (thus confounding your American friends whether you are coming or going!)

* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning (the only explanation if you dared to ask was that is how you did it and then walked a mile to your school....)

* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a
grooming aid (thus forcing you to denounce all teh commercial products your friends use as in effective)

* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names (and yet they bless you with a complicated name like Jignasha or Akshay...)

* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku (oh how you longed for Buffy, Skip or Scooter...)

* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son/daughter) (thus asserting their etrnal rights to make parental pronouncements no matter what)

* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds (less than 22 carats DON'T count)

* Your parents drink 3 cups of tea a day (made only with loose leaf tea leaves)

* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids. (especially if you are not a doctor, engineer or professor)

* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan" (and drag you with her to get you "culture")

* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit. (and expects full meal)

* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/ engineer. (so god help you if you have gay tendencies !!!)

* Your parent's always say while shopping abroad, "It's cheaper in
India/Pakistan"( because they have no idea of inflation back home)
And finally........You know you're Asian when.....................

& You forward this message to all your Asian friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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