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Applied Chemistry ...w.e.f january 2006

chemistryyyyy 10/2/2005 11:17 AM
* What did one atom tell another?
I think I lost an electron
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm positive.

*A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love
with a bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see
you"
said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase
you're going through".

*Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic
cop. The cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

*A neutron walks into a bar; he
asks the
bartender: "How much for a drink?" The bartender looks at him and
>> >>says: "For you, it's no charge".

*Why did the white drink dissolve in water?
>> >>- Because it was polar.

*What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
>> >>- A one molar solution.

*Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
>> >>- Because it's in the ground state.

*Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
>> >>- They're cheaper than day rates.


*What happens when electrons lose their energy?
>> >>- They get Bohr'd
.
*What did one titration tell the
other?
>> >>- Let's meet at the endpoint.

*Why are chemists great for solving problems?
>> >>- They have all the solutions.


*Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic stuff.



*What is a cation afraid of?
A dogion.

*Why did the ice cube get divorced?
- His wife said he was too ! cold
.
*Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met.


*What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
Methylated spirits

.
*If H20 is water what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. .


*A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a
group
of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guests
joules.
A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room
and
killed the robbers one by one. The guests
were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he
was.

He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond

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